Why The Fuck Are Insecurities So Loud?

Some days it feels like I may be doing alright; that I have successfully trained my mind to focus on the most beautiful things. Then, comes the invariable swing of the pendulum in the opposite direction. This side screams that I am worthless, that I have no right to expect anything beautiful, that I will never be more than I am now. What makes that voice so loud? Louder even than the words of those I love telling me that I am worthy, and strong, and brave, and fucking capable. 

Does it have to do with the instinct for survival? Is it years of learned self hatred? Is it a mentality of victimhood? A way for me to lay the culpability at the feet of another, some grand and unknowable force?

I don’t have the answers to these questions just yet. Or, maybe, I do. Maybe it is ‘yes’ to all of the above. Maybe that’s the first step for me. Acknowledging that sometimes I let my thoughts run rampant, like my dog off a leash: sometimes he comes back, but mostly he just wants to chase butterflies.

I am still learning. Michelangelo said that, and it is as true for me as it was for him. I am not perfect. I will make mistakes. I will hurt people that I love. I will veer off course. I guess what makes me strong, brave, and fucking capable is that I am willing to admit that. Regardless of what goes on around me, I am still me. A human. A spirit. Full of inherent value and worth. A beacon of love and light. 

I guess that’s the lesson, then: to carry on. Onward and upward. 

An Open Letter To: Taylor Swift

Let’s talk about it. Listed among Time’s most influential people, the world has become transfixed by this powerhouse. I recently watched her Reputation tour on Netflix and am more in awe of her talents than ever. 

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Now, I can’t remember the first time I heard her music, nor have I been to every concert. What is more important, though, is how her music creates a connection, the things we learn from the people we admire, and how we use those same people as inspiration for living our best lives.

The lyrics that she so carefully crafts dance around my heart and have woven their way into my soul.

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Don’t Be A Hater

We live in the age of the independent contractor: everybody wants to work for themselves, doing something they love. The most fantastic part about this is that we are seeing unprecedented career diversification. We have never inhabited a time in which people make millions of dollars off a social media platform or from blogging. What this means for every waking human is that we have the opportunity to create success how we see fit on an individualized level. 

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The Countdown Is Real

I don’t know about you, but I have always heard that life is short and I have to make the most of it. Logically, it all made sense: of course I have a finite number of days to live the life of my dreams. Today something changed, and I know what precipitated it. A quote. A sentence among many, strung together like words in a song. So innocuous, yet so profound. 

“This is your life and it’s ending one second at a time.”

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Unconditional Vulnerability

Vulnerability is hard. It sucks having to share parts of myself that I have so carefully locked away into the deepest recesses of my heart. You see, I did this because I thought that by locking it away, nobody would ever know, no person would ever see it. Until…they do. That one person – the person I want to think that I am perfect, without fault. That will love me unconditionally. The key, though, is that to be loved unconditionally I have to show parts of myself that I deem “unlovable.” I have to be vulnerable – fuck.

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Get Your Sh*t Together

This is a love letter of sorts. To all of the people who had to figure it out on their own, who didn’t have anybody pushing them to work harder, who had to be their own support system. Let me be that person for you. Let me be the one to tell you it’s time. It’s time to take responsibility, to make positive and productive changes, to get your shit together.

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