Insecurity Is A Fickle Bitch

Shadow self. Dormant personality. Uncertainty. There is an endless barrage of naming conventions society uses in an attempt to quantify insecurities. Not only are they parts of ourselves that inherently connote shame, but it can sometimes feel incredibly overwhelming to overcome.

There isn’t a “once size fits all” healing strategy. It varies from person to person and even day to day. What worked once won’t necessarily work again. What follows are options to help acknowledge and triumph over these hindering behaviors/thought patterns/insecurities/etc. You can use any combination, cherry pick, or use one of your own creation. You will know what works for you by how it feels in your body: do you get chills when you read a certain one? Are you really excited by the prospect of meditating, but not so much about asking friends or family? Bottom line: stay true to you. Always.

  1. Identify the behavior/insecurity/habit that you wish to improve upon.
    • Ask friends for insight
    • Meditate on it
    • Free writing – this is really helpful in general: to help uncover limiting beliefs, identify problematic behaviors, and pinpoint negative thought patterns
    • Ask for guidance from your higher power
    • Self reflection
  2. Get to the root of the issue.
    • Mind mapping – use the behavior/thought process/insecurity as the central idea or theme
    • Free writing
    • Full conscious presence
    • Speak with a medical professional
  3. Heal and overcome.
    • Mind mapping
    • Meditate
    • Ask for divine guidance (Source, angels, God, Babe Ruth; you get the picture)
    • Take a bath while listening to calming music
    • Work out/move yo body
    • Set intentions that you want to heal these parts of you
    • Develop full conscious presence

In the interest of full transparency, here is my own example: the long established belief that certain girls don’t like me can be traced back to my notion that girls are more judgmental than boys. Hear me out – When I was younger, I was more drawn to boys: they were  (and frankly still are) some of my closest friends. Their girlfriends, however, tended not to be huge fans of mine. Upon recent reflection, I realized that it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me and my energy. I was embarrassed about some of the choices I had made in my past, where I was at certain points in my life, and that I felt like I should have accomplished more than I had at my age. As a direct result of these feelings, I unknowingly shut them out. I didn’t get to know them as well as I ought, I spent more time with their boyfriends than with them. Did this create problems not only for myself, but also for them? Probably. Do I acknowledge that I would like to have behaved differently? Most certainly. I lost out on some potentially incredible friendships AND I carried around huge amounts of unnecessary shame and guilt. My fear of being judged by these girls led me to create a situation of my own making. Yes, they were judging me, but not for the things I thought they would.

This realization began as most others before it: rather routinely. My boyfriend and I have  the ability to bring things to the others attention in the hopes that we can break away from unproductive habits. After work one day, he innocuously asked me why I thought that I didn’t get along with certain girls. Well, I honestly didn’t realize that that was the case. I thought about it for hours, I mind mapped and didn’t censor any of my thoughts, I repeatedly asked him questions to get his perspective. I have never really used mind mapping in this way before, but the effects were profound. Because of the speed at which it was done, I did not have time to judge my thoughts – they flowed. I did several different diagrams using a multitude of themes. What came to the surface were things I could not have predicted. (Is it ever, though, really?) Once I felt like I had covered significant territory in “things to be healed,” I wrote out a prayer of sorts. In summation, I called out to Source to assist me in my own healing, to expedite the process, and to ensure that it is all done in grace and love.

It is not an easy thing: to heal the varied parts of ourselves. So often the ego opens its loud ass mouth and tells us that we are fine just the way we are. Well, I have news for you – COMPLACENCY IS BULLSHIT. It is the greatest enemy of expansion. We are multifaceted beings with a great deal of cultural programming to break free from. It is so interesting to me how so many of our problems stem from a few root causes. This is not to say, however, that once we conquer one we are done. Hell no, my friend. It is an infinite process and oftentimes cyclical. But, the beauty is in the chaos. From our deepest pits of self-doubt come our most earnest insights. So, onward! Upward! Release it all. Lighten up. Love yo self.

I hope this spurs you on to self reflection, at the very least. Once we are aware of our patterns, that’s when we can begin to heal. Good luck sweet soul. I know you can do it.

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